The unusual sleepover and the hair cut of doom

Well, yesterday I went to me mum's employee's house. Her name is Maree (not Marie - Mar as in Mars bar and ee as in weee!). I'm going to skip all of the boring stuff.

We just picked (husband) Joe up from work and we were all peckish so he turns around and says 'Do you like chinky?' Now before I tell you what his reply was after my 'Wha?' do you know what chinky is? Could you make an intelligent guess? Do you not think it is a completely random word? Or is it just me? Well apparently it means 'Chinese', right ok that makes a little sense. Where on earth does the 'k' come from? Isn't the word 'chinese' short enough?

So it's about 8:30pm and Maree's and Joe's Slavackian friends come around to do some laundry. When they walked in, they looked around as if looking for Maree, she was upstairs so their eyes fell upon moi. They were a little puzzled so Joe said 'oh, I divorced Maree, this is me new woman' :-) Maree came back downstairs and showed them to the washing machine.

They had just come back from a trip from (I won't even try) their home country. So they brought some gifts for them: pine tree vodka stuff, cheese, chocolate and sausages. Joe got to see them first so when Maree came and sat down, Joe said 'Look what they brought us!', he held out the sausages and said 'this is sheeps di*k'. English humor. Maree told him off for swearing and then Joe started going on about how you pronounce the vodka's name. They must have told him a million times. He was having beer so everytime he 'discreetly' burped, I 'discreetly' turned away and held my sleeve up to my nose.

Joe was showing off his knowledge about why putting 2 fingers up here is swearing, why they call those things in gym dung/dumb/dong bells (I didn't hear him proply, he is a bit of a mumbler) etc. etc. Anyhoo, he offered me some slavakian mineral water in a joking way :-) After that, he was asking the couple why we say czeckOslavakia because in their language they say it as 2 separate countries and he was asking why we put the 'o' (or whatever letter it is, I just guessed) in how we say it. They were trying to give an intelligent guess but nobody really knew why. I mean why would they know why we put some random letter in between their country's name, it's not even their language so why would they know if english people don't know?!

After they left me and Joe got to talking, and as he likes to insult me as much as I can, the subject comes upon Americans. So he says, 'Americans are nothing but convicts, and irish.' What would you say to that? You would think that's a bit random and a bit mean of him and a bit silly of him (some grown ups like to condradict or insult kids right in front of their faces because the think they are so much better than them, so this wasn't really a surprise at all and even less so because it was coming from Joe). So I said 'Ok, why?' Then it turns into this whole argument. It was quite funny. I was saying 'Well, what about american indians, what about all of the slaves?' So he says 'But we shot all of them' Then I gave him a 'Oh really? Ya right' look. He said 'Most of them'
'Ya MOST of them, so that means that there are descendants from then them.'
Ok fine...'
'So now your saying that your first statement isn't true.'
'Well, no.' etc. etc. Then it gets into the civil war and how stupid we were blah blah. So I was trying to defend my country :-) and said 'Well, it's actually your fault because you were the ones who brought the slaves to our country in the first place.'
'But you had your silly independence so you could have freed them once you bought them.'
'Then why would we buy them then?'
Anyway, we had lots of arguments around that. He explained it all from the beginning. 'Americans are all descendants of scottish, irish, convicts, and american indians.'
'So now your saying that you were wrong before.'
'Shhh, the irish and scottish were all criminals and we didn't know what to do with them. So when we dicovered America, we just sent them all over here along with the convicts.' And it's just struck me now, if the irish and scottish were criminals then who were the convicts? He gave me a whole blumin explanation of his opinion that took a billion years. After he finished I said 'Well then it's all YOUR fault then if we are bad because YOU brought YOUR people over, and anyway you haven't been to america so stop assuming that we are all criminals if the only americans you know is my family. Do we look like criminals?'
He thought he won that one but he SO did not :-P
After he had thought he came out with 'Eric,' how origonal. So he started calling me Eric. 'Well I'm gonna call you Joseph'
'I don't care'
'Josephine then'
'Erica is the Banana Man's name, so now your Banana Man'
'Well your scrimpy!' I was glad I got to use my new vocabulary (in my school days blog it says there, scrimpy simply means mean).
'Eh? What does sc scrimpy mean?'
'I'm not going to tell you'
'Tell me'
'Go get a dictionary'
'No, tell me what it means!'
'No'
'Right, well I'll stick your head under the freezing cold tap'
'Fine.' He got up and turned on the tap in the kitchen. He came back and looked at me and smirked. Maree said
'Joe come on' So he turned off the tap and came back to lay on the couch. She whispered to me that he had actually done that before, to his niece...
'Tell me what scrimpy means'
'If you got up and turned on the tap the you can go get a dictionary'
'No!'
'Ok fine, I'll give you a clue. Scrimpy means the same as obstreperous which means the same as vociferous which means the same as obstinate wh...'
They don't actually mean the same thing but they are close enough :-)
After that long night of arguing he says that he likes to wind me up, argue with me and that I can come around any time. Hmm, well right back at you. Oh, and somewhere in there I asked him why he calls chinese 'chinky.' He started singin this weird song. He couldn't answer and then starts going about I talk funny. Hmph.


Next day my Mom picks me up and I went to get my hair cut with A-M at a new hair place. We found it and it's the size of a matchbox, and an old grannies' bar. So we go in and all of the grandma's are staring at us. I went first and I specifically told the ninny that I DIDN'T want short bangs. Of course SHE thinks that long bangs are cut to the eyebrows WHILE WET. I was already horrified at how much she had cut of and she said 'Do you want me to cut anymore off?' I was going to scream 'I have to go to school now looking like a 5 year old because you think that long bangs are an inch long!' But I just said 'No'
She looked disgusted and said 'Well when it's dried you can decide if you want anymore off.'
I stuck my tongue out at her.
I didn't actually, I was just a tired, grumpy teenager.
When I was done I noticed the grannies talking about joint disfunctions and tea. It's so interesting living in England.